I sort of remembered how every time I look at you , you’re always going to be a step further  :(

The way your smile just falls into place when I’m around you . The way your eyes are steady fixed on me . The way you always manage to keep me wanting more of course everyone does . The way you can always call me yours even after those stupid fights. The way you hug me even though you’re only 5 feet tall .I miss your yellow streaks of hair and the way you colored it full hot blonde ,I miss those times he held hands , the way I held you around your tummy and your head fits exactly under my chin . your soft cute button nose during those times we were about to kiss,  I miss those times we had together sitting and talking . The fantasies you had if I were yours even though we weren’t exactly what we were both looking for . The ways you would always seduce me into doing things your way . I would massage you,tickle you ,kiss you on the forehead . The times we had just together , the TWO of us just together . The long late-night chats about how far away we were even though you only lived a couple doors down . The days turn to nights slower when I’m with you , that’s all the time I need to just be with you . I would make you mine , you said .. and I replied well I do to as well . But things changed after we both started to argue because we both found someone else that would replace us both .. but as the days,weeks,months go by . we both still managed to hold on but not showing any sign what so ever . Now we’re like this . The last hello , the last hug, the last goodbye for my summer .. now I wonder .. how is it now ? we’re just a few doors away and I’m wondering if you’re okay . I miss you my adorable you I used to say but no it seems useless as if we were both still together today :( -yours truly  

maybe all the girls hate me .. lol jk .. but I just don’t like ever having to have thoughts about breaking up . I don’t like ever having to go through that stage of comfort then you get so comfortable with each other and feel so bored and just leave .. no I don’t want that to happen . that’s what I’m afraid of .. I don’t like relationships ending .. it makes the both of us unhealthy .. love gives us stronger lives .. and besides looks are everything now .. unlike before , it didn’t matter if you were Asian,White,Black,Mexican,Spanish,or any nationality .. all we did find was love .. maybe I’m not good enough for anyone .. :/ oh wellz .. single status .. 

slowly-fading-to-nothing asked: <3

lol i love you too ? <3

   I can’t blame you for hating me . I did my best to restrain myself off of these depressing signs . I know you have the same problems as I do and I don’t blame you for getting mad at me because I was the first one that started this stupid argument in the first place . I don’t want myself to leave you but it seems like I have to let go because it’s what’s best for you . I need you to get out of your comfort zone so you can find happiness once and for all. I was just being a stupid friend after all creating these distractions and obstacles in your way , I was fucking with your heart ; I am greatly in deep sorrow now for what I have done to a true friend like you . I was the one being the screw up . But you were always there ,to pick me up off of the dirt when others just left me there . Now I left you behind even after those promises I’ve made to you . I don’t believe in what I have done . 
   I left a true friend .. I left the person I loved .. I left that person and got mad at her for MY actions . I’m fucking up .I left that one and only person that accepted me for who I am . I left my one and only partner in crime , the only person that would spend time with me doing mischievous things to the people we hated . I left you , I regret it .. even though it’s only been a couple of minutes . It hurts so much to see that this person(you) is gone , and out of my life . Leaving you isn’t going to be the last thing on my list anymore , there isn’t going to ever be me leaving you on anything . having you out of my life is like asking for another chance  after another but the answer is going to be “no” .. then you try all these things just to get that one person back into your life .. I know I’m screwed because I already messed up one too many . I don’t need anymore of this shit on my plate ..
   I don’t blame you for leaving me because after all ,I left you , I don’t blame you for not wanting me anymore , I don’t blame you for all the harm you’ve done to me just to defend yourself … All those threats towards you are meaningless now . But the scars still remain . I don’t want you, I NEED  you  . A need that is NEEDED for my life to be perfect enough for me to still be alive with you . I just hope after all this is over , I could have you back in the right place … a place forever in my mind,body,spirit, and most especially in my HEART !! 

I don’t want help, even though I deeply need it . I don’t need a person to do stuff with me just to take the pain away . I don’t need you to spend time with me , because I know you’re only doing these things because you feel sorry for me . your life is going to be better than mines . I just sit here just looking at you feeling like a total loser .. you may be a friend but I’m jealous of everything you do . I’m terrified of the things I might do to expose a little bit of me , because to everyone else , I’m just a person they know by the name not fucking personally . I just hate how they do that . I just want to know how to live a life and enjoy it . Because right now I’m not doing exactly what I want to do or what people want me to do ..